From Hershey, PA & Genesis LAX Tourney
Hey ,
I am here in Hershey, PA with my beautiful daughter Emma for another weekend of lacrosse. She has really taken to the sport. 18 months ago, she had never played. Now, she is on a club team travelling the east Coast.
I am so grateful to have time with her, just the two of us. (She is sitting next to me as I write eating her very nutritious pre-game donut)
Unfortunately, I did not have the same relationship with my dad.
My folks divorced when I was in high school. I got to see my dad every other weekend, and I never understood why they separated.
When I was in college, we had a massive blowout. And to this day I remember it. I needed a case for my guitar and was asking him for money to get it. He was trying to put all these conditions on it (like he always did).
And I just snapped.
I yanked the phone out of the wall (it was the early 80’s) and threw it across my dorm room. I vowed never to speak to him again.
My father missed out on my college graduation and my first marriage, he never met her. I think it was about 8 years.
I never really thought about him, truthfully. I never sent him a birthday card, Christmas card nor Father’s Day card.
Except on Father’s day.
I missed him.
Terribly.
Then the day after Fathers Day came and I moved on.
And for estranged dads, I am sure Fathers Day is equally as painful.
A study published last year in the Journal of Marriage and Family suggests that 26% of fathers experience a period of estrangement from their adult children at some point, four times the rate for mothers. Dads are especially vulnerable to becoming estranged from their daughters.
Out of the blue
Then one Fathers Day, I picked up the phone (still attached to the wall) and called him. I don’t know why, it was an impulse.
He was silent for what seemed like an hour. He couldn’t believe it. Over the next few months we started talking regularly and I invited him to visit me in Florida. He agreed and said he was bringing someone special.
Evidently my dad remarried a younger women and they had a daughter. He was in the middle of divorcing her, but brought my 5 year old half sister with him.
And things just picked up from there. We never spoke about the time we didn’t talk. We just moved on.
Just like guys do.
If you remember, he was not invited to my first wedding. Well, he and my sister were the ONLY people invited to my second wedding.
The past 30 years have been wonderful with us, but not without challenges. But hey, that’s life, right?
30 Fathers Days without regret
So on this Fathers Day, take the time to truly remember your dad. If they have left this world, remember them.
If they were cruel to you, try to find and hold onto a happy memory, even if there is only one.
If you see them today, hug them just a little bit longer than you normally would.
If you are a dad, I wish you a heartfelt best wishes for the day, and all days.
Vance “Proud father of 4” Morris
